The Wonder Years of the Workplace

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In today’s workplace everybody has a certain role they play.  Similar to the cliques and crews we had in high school. Sadly to say, most adults re-live their high school years in the workplace. The workplace is an environment where you can re-create yourself and attempt to modify your persona.  That is, until you are exposed for your lies and deceit, and you dread going back to the office the next day. Yup, just like high school.

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Typically, when you start your first day at a new job, almost immediately you can determine where you will fit in. There are the jocks who always brag about going to gym right after work to get in a quick work out, or the ones that get up extra early to run a few miles before coming to work. And the adult males who still wear basketball shorts under their suits, just in case a pick-up game of basketball ensues.

There are the cool guys and gals that party way to hard the night before and always have a cool story to tell about it. (Particularly my type of people!) These guys are usually slackers at work, they do the bear minimum, just enough for the boss to not grow suspicious of their lazy work ethic. You have to watch out for the cool kids.  They can be so intriguing and compelling to where you end up finishing their work while totally enthralled in one of their awesome stories.

Then there are the nerds and over achievers, those who go above and beyond the call of duty and makes the rest of the mediocre staff look bad. They come to work early or on time, they take only their designated coffee breaks, never over the allotted time given. And they do what they are told to do, no exceptions. These are the conformed type that the government has crafted, but that’s for another day.  This group usually takes their job way too seriously. Bosses pet! But they are usually the first group to look at when considering raises and promotions.  You can only hang in this group: if you have been praised by management, kissed the ass of management, have the desire to become management one day, or if you don’t fit in any other group.

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And no matter what type of work environment you are in, there is always a #teammessy. A group of men and women who create, spread, and intensify workplace gossip.  This set of people can make or break a productive and comfortable work environment. I despise this group in particular.  This group is so reminiscent of high school it’s not funny. These group members mix and mingle among the other groups prying for any piece of gossip within ear reach.  They lie, connive, deceive, and manipulate, just to make the day more interesting.  It does not take much for #teammessy to take action, all they need is 1/4th of a truth to create an outlandish and whimsical tale to spread across the company, rapidly.

#Teammessy is a very dangerous group.  They wear disguises as friends, but will stab you in the back with company logo pens.  Sounds familiar? Remember your best friend from homeroom, remember the secret they couldn’t keep? Tragic. But now, as adults that secret can ruin your whole career.

Moral of the story chose your groups wisely. Like your mother used to say, “Birds of a feather, flock together”.  Remember management will notice the workplace cliques and treat you accordingly.

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3 thoughts on “The Wonder Years of the Workplace

  1. Natoya Mitchell

    I think you left out one subgroup, we can call them #teamleavethathoealone.
    These are the horrible people that come in and leave work with the worlds “stankest”attitudes,for no reason might I add. To quote Katt Williams “Nigga you beefing over breakfast”?They truly test your patience and they are singlehandedly responsible for keeping coworkers watching the clock in anticipation of local happy hours. So, to all beware of these grimacing, self loathing, joy killers because they are out there.

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